Mietzke's Holden Adventure

I awoke last night with a tight throat. I got up got water and a cough drop and stoked the fire then headed back to sleep. As I slept I dreamed that I was with my grandmother and she was dying. It was my last chance to say good by and Grief spilled from deep within me. I basked in her smell and snuggled close to her and held her to me and then it was time for me to go, to let go. I walked out of her room feeling a deep ache that moved through my entire being. The alarm went off and pulled me out of sleep, but I felt myself wanting to hold on to both the dream my grandmother and my grief. Dave had to come in and remind me that the waking time was upon me. It is time to rise and move forward. As I showered I could still feel the idea of loss and I thought about all of the people who are struggling at this time of year, struggling with death, poverty, war, sickness, loneliness, depression, anxiety. The thought that stayed with me though was a thought of the abundance that I live in. In this moment I am overwhelmed with my good fortune. I found myself being deeply thankful for having two loving grandmas for 34 years, maybe more, of my lifetime. Dear grandmas who have taught me so much about life and love. I have been so lucky to have had so much good time with them. I know that they love me and that I am held in their thoughts and prayers. How lucky I am!
I found myself looking at our Christmas tree, overflowing with gifts, while I was dressing and feeling almost embarrassed at my prosperity.
This led to me thinking about selling our house and how tightly I clung to the ideas of security that this possession offered. Every step of the way I secretly questioned the sanity of selling this security. I thought of the fear that crept up for me every step of our transition, this fear of loss. Then I thought of my friendships, my community in Tacoma, of all of the friends and family who spent hours and hours, days and days with me helping me to prepare to leave, helping me to let go. They let go of me, of my family and helped to move us forward into this new experience. What a gift! What an honoring! I realized how loved I am. I am fortunate in every aspect of my life. I feel filled with this Christmas which seems to teeter on the edge of holding on and letting go. I am dancing this dance surrounded by so many dear friends old and new. I am dancing this dance which is love and abundance. God with us.